Judging from the traces they leave, people seem to be at their worst in public restrooms.

By my count, by pursuing an ill-considered and illegal preemptive war, President Bush and his accomplice Congress have now murdered more Americans than the 9/11 terrorists did, not to mention the untold Iraqi civilian casualties. Congratulations, traitors, and God help us all.

Never trust a librarian who marries a man who doesn't read.

Living on nothing but locusts and honey doesn't impress me. Try Sterno and cardboard sometime, chump!

It sounds less like a genre of fiction and more like what happens when you fart and get more than you bargained for.

But even He's gonna weep fat baby tears if He doesn't also remember to back up.

I have trouble sleeping while there are children starving in my city. Why can't they be quieter about it?

Yes, I chose Bush over Gore, but I thought the question was late-night cable.

Teach a child to read and that's just more royalties for Dr. Phil.

I bought one.