The lower order of priesthood authority in the L.D.S. Church, encompassing the offices of deacon, teacher, and priest. Young males are usually ordained deacons at the age of twelve.

Named for Aaron, the brother of Moses -- not for baseball great Hank Aaron, as is widely believed.

The languid, warm, peaceful feeling that comes after very fulfilling sex.

Also, the name of an obscenely successful Mormon pop music duo, which manages to accomplish the seemingly impossible task of reducing the grand and monolithic (if strange) totality of L.D.S. theology to a digestible saccharine pap. A vital cornerstone of Molly Mormon's CD collection. Blecch!

See assistant to the president.

See assistant to the president.

One who has repudiated Mormonism for whatever reason and in whatever fashion, whether or not his or her name remains on the church's rolls.

The commonly repeatedly Mormon party line would have it that these are the most unhappy people on the face of the earth, but reasonable humans are likely to perceive this attitude as sour grapes.

The second highest office in the Melchizedek Priesthood, and a special witness of Jesus Christ. Common Mormon belief holds that apostles know the resurrected Christ personally.

Apostles are considered "prophets, seers and revelators," though only the ordained president of the Church holds all the keys necessary for administering the Kingdom of God on earth.

See also Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the.

The usually relatively small geographical region to which two missionaries are assigned; e.g., "Yes, Elder, I'd love to see the Rush concert, but you know we're not allowed to leave our area."

According to the Book of Mormon, a "useful" beast living in ancient America.

Also, any apologist who would suggest that the word Joseph Smith was really looking for in his translation from the Reformed Egyptian was "deer."

See also curelom, cumom, elephant, horse.

One of two missionaries who, by virtue of superior dedication, spirituality, and brown-nosing, are privileged to push paper in the mission office rather than pound pavement.