A snowism meaning "macaroni and cheese" -- particularly the instant Kraft variety, a staple of the missionary diet.

See also shazz.

Bigoted former governor of Arizona, whose opinions and antics shamed even fellow Mormons.

The higher order of priesthood authority in the L.D.S. Church, encompassing the offices of elder, seventy, high priest, patriarch, apostle, and prophet.

Named for Melchizedek, that oh-so-famous Old Testament character.

The era in which Jesus Christ lived. The term is derived from the fact that time, in Western civilization, is measured backward and forward from the approximate date of his birth.

The period of service, usually two years, in which a young man or woman gives up a real life in exchange for the privilege of trudging around and knocking on the doors of people who would rather be watching television; e.g., "I won't marry you, Josh, unless you go on a mission first."

Also used to denote a single geographical region, administered by a mission president, in which missionaries are assigned to serve; as in, "Poor Bobby Joe has been called to the Iowa Des Moines Mission."

The official notice a prospective missionary receives of where he will be assigned to labor.

See also call, calling.

The Sunday church meeting at which a departing missionary offers his testimony before entering the Missionary Training Center.

Mission farewells used to be more elaborate affairs than they are now. Both of the departing missionary's parents would also speak during the program, and other family members would be likely to perform musical numbers or offer prayers.

In recent years, the general authorities have attempted to scale down mission farewells, particularly by not permitting family members to plan the program and by discouraging families from holding "open houses" after the meetings. Predictably, given the social nature of the Mormon animal, that's one of the dicta from Salt Lake that hasn't gone over very well.

Metaphorical term used by Mormons to indicate the non-specific place where missionary work takes place -- as distinguished from the places where they live.

Derived from a passage in the Doctrine and Covenants, referring to the great number of souls awaiting conversion, that says, "For behold the field is white already to harvest" (D & C 4:4).

The residence of a mission president and his family, provided free of charge by the Church and normally located in an upscale yet not ostentatious neighborhood.

The administrative headquarters of a mission.

A leader appointed for a period of three years to oversee and administer a specific geographical mission of the Church, supervising usually one to two hundred missionaries. Mission presidents and their families are provided with nice houses and cars, and often angle for positions of even greater responsibility and authority.

Many mission presidents are successful businessmen of one stripe or another who attempt to indoctrinate their subordinate missionaries with effective sales techniques. This presumably prepares the missionaries to accept the obligatory multilevel marketing jobs upon their return to mainstream Mormon society.

Amway likes Mormons.

An event at which returned missionaries who served together under the same mission president gather to convince each other of how good those old mission days were and how much everyone misses them.

Usually held in conjunction with General Conference in April or October.

A proselytizing representative of the L.D.S. Church. Most missionaries are young males who serve for a period of two years at their own expense -- or, more likely, at the expense of their families. Young women serve for a period of eighteen months, and older couples serve for six, twelve, or eighteen months.

Young single men become eligible to serve missions at the age of nineteen, whereas young single woman (being, of course, encouraged to consider multiplying and replenishing the earth as a higher priority) are not eligible until the age of twenty-one.

All young men are encouraged to go on missions -- and may find themselves censured by the community if they do not. Mission service is such an important rite of passage that many parents offer their sons what amounts to bribes in order to coax them into the field. It is not uncommon for returned missionaries to be rewarded with a car, with college tuition, or with, in my case, a newly finished bedroom all to himself in the attic of his family's house.

Missionaries are expected to devote all their time and energy to the task of preaching the Restored Gospel. They dress and groom conservatively and are not permitted to engage in such worldly activities as dating, watching movies or television, reading newspapers, magazines, or books not officially approved for missionary consumption, listening to music not performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and any other pastime designed to stave off imminent insanity.

Children are trained early to look forward to mission service, by learning to sing such songs as "I Hope They Call Me on a Mission" in Primary.

See also "best two years of my life, the," elder, mission president, sister missionary.

A complex of dormitories and classrooms adjacent to Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, where newly called missionaries go for training before being sent to their assigned missions.

Those learning to teach the discussions in their native tongues stay at the Missionary Training Center for three weeks. Those learning a foreign language stay for eight weeks.

Usually shortened to M.T.C.

The act of attempting to convert souls to the Restored Gospel. All Mormons are encouraged to perform missionary work, though most prefer to leave it to the ordained missionaries.

A perjorative adjective referring to behavior typical of a dewy-eyed Mormon girl; e.g., "Buying herself a sewing machine was such a Molly thing for my wife to do."

Derived by shortening "Molly Mormon."

Derogatory name for the stereotypical young Mormon female.

Sometimes shortened simply to "Molly."

See also Peter Priesthood.

Mission slang for Canadian currency, so derived because every denomination is a different color.

An actor who achieved notoriety as Bob McKenzie (to Dave Thomas's Doug) on SCTV, then went on to sink to even greater depths of acheivement.

For more information, see here.

A prophet of ancient America, according to L.D.S. teachings. Compiler and abridger of the original engraved plates from which the Book of Mormon was purportedly translated.

Also, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, so nicknamed due to belief in the divine nature of the Book of Mormon, or an adverbial reference to things related to the Church.

Twenty minutes late.

See Missionary Training Center.

Slang of the Great White North for "mother."